


Eager Novice

by YuMe89



Series: Choices We Make [2]
Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Emotional Hurt, Other, This is not any less hurtful I guess, bit of bad language
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-12
Updated: 2019-07-12
Packaged: 2020-06-27 02:39:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,467
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19781554
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YuMe89/pseuds/YuMe89
Summary: You will surely ask yourself: Is there hope for a happy ending?Well, I don't know yet, I'm toying with different outcomes.Personally, I'm a sucker for happy endings, but I also like a good cry when there isn't one.We'll see ^^Kudos and/or comments are highly appreciated <3





	Eager Novice

Aziraphale had waited patiently for Crowley to contact him, but nothing happened. Three decades and nothing. His fingers itched to call him, but he couldn't. The Angel had stayed ten years in his bookshop, ordering in, to indulge in a bit of food, not really hungry for anything, hoping his phone would ring. He started to go out again after, losing the last shred of hope of seeing his best friend again. If he had known, this would happen, he would've just told Crowley he loved him and accepted his fate. Aziraphale couldn't do that now, it would just be painful for them both. 

The Angel strolled through St. James Park, fed the ducks and visited the Ritz, all by himself. Sometimes he walked around the city for hours, ending up before Crowleys apartment complex and looking up. The once so lush and green plants standing in front of the window, seemed brown and dead now. Maybe, Aziraphale thought to himself, he didn't even live there anymore. 

After one of his strolls through the city, he came back to the bookshop, to find a young man in there. Irritated, he closed the door. He was sure he had locked it before. "Can I help you?", he asked, startling the young man.

"Oh, Aziraphale, nice to meet you in person.", he said smiling broadly, putting the book he had in hand, back down. Ah, it had to be an Angel then. "And you are?", he asked sceptic. Heaven sending someone to him can't mean anything good. "I'm Poyel. I'm here to take your place, well, not literally, but I am here to perform Miracles and Blessings on Earth."

"You're a Principality too, right?", he asked, unnecessarily. "That's true, yes. To be honest with you, I have been here for a year already. And I was curious. I wanted to meet you.", he said, blushing a bit. "I wasn't really supposed to.", he said in sotto voce. 

"Oh.", was all Aziraphale could manage, taking a few steps towards his unexpected guest and watching him closely. "No ulterior motives?", the blond Angel asked. Still not believing in the nice act.

"I really shouldn't be here, Aziraphale, but I thought, you were here for such a long time, maybe you could tell me a few things...anything. It could be useful.", the dark haired boy, Aziraphale could only describe him like that, said.

The Angel went into his backroom and took two bottles of wine with him, going back to his guest, he placed one on his desk. "Poyel, right?", he asked in a crude tone, not really caring about it, while opening the bottle. The other Angel nodded eager.

"Well, dear Poyel, alcohol is very useful, it can make you feel so different.", he went on and after his last word, gulped multiple deep swigs directly from the bottle, leaving Poyel speechless. "And it takes a shitload to get drunk for an angel, let me tell you that. But the best part is, you can sober up whenever you like." Oh, Aziraphale was getting drunk right now. Best idea he had in a long, long time. 

"They don't tell us that in Heaven...", the younger Angel said looking anywhere but at Aziraphale, who laughed sharply. "You wanna know, what they don't tell you either?", his smile could only be described as cruel. Poyel gulped visibly at that. "Yeah."

The once so nice and loving Angel opened the next bottle. "They won't tell you, that you fall in love with Humanity and all those little things they come up with, create and use. That you will love stormy weather as much as the sunny one. And they especially don't tell you to watch out for nice Demons, because, if I had known, I would've stayed as far away as possible.", he said that with a wide gesture of his hand, as if he had wanted to throw himself far away. 

"Wait, _nice_ Demons?", Poyel asked, irritated. "Well, I just know that one kind Demon, but who knows, maybe they really aren't all as bad as Heaven tells us. He made me...", Aziraphale stopped at that, looking down at the bottle in his hand. Concerned, Poyel took a step towards Aziraphale. 

"What did he do to you? Was it really so bad?", he wanted to know, taking the bottle from Aziraphale, whose smile was suddenly unbelievebly sad. He shook his head.

"He loved me...and I love him, but that can't be.", his voice was just a broken whisper, swallowing his tears, he looked away, taking the bottle back and walking towads his loveseat in the back. Why was he so open with this kid? Normally he kept everything close to his chest. It must be the loneliness. Madame Tracy and Sergeant Shadwell were long gone, Anathema an old woman.

The young Angel followed him, sitting carefully on the chair across from Aziraphale. "Where is he now?", he asked, getting a shrug in return. "I don't know. I haven't seen him in almost thirty years. He declared his love for me, I rejected him like God told me to and he left.", he chugged the rest of the bottle down. Getting drunk without Crowley was now a new habit Aziraphale adopted.

"I don't understand. He didn't tempt you? Didn't try to discorporate you?", the young Angel asked, trying to wrap his head around all this informations. Demons were evil and he had to thward them. That was what they teached them, before sending them down to Earth.

"Oh, we did discorporate each other back in the days. Sometimes intentionally, but mostly by accident.", he laughed, it was the saddest sound Poyel had ever heard from a fellow angel. He seemed to remember those times fondly. "But he safed my life over the time more often than not. Going out of his way, disobeying Hell."

"Why don't you contact him?", Poyel wanted to know. Surely, they could be friends still and didn't have to suffer like this?

"The last thing he asked me to do, was not to contact him, to wait until he felt better. He's either asleep or somewhere on Earth avoiding me.", Aziraphale said, looking down on his hands. He hadn't a propper manicure for years. Cutting them himself was rather satisfying, but he was not really good at it. His nails were uneven and ugly. Come to think of it, he felt ugly in many ways. His personality was far from kind these days. He couldn't bring himself to be nice to anyone. He was a sarcastic little shit sometimes, bordering on cruel. 

"Oh... What I really don't understand is, why is it so bad...Love I mean? We're beings of Love.", Poyel stared at him intendly, with furrowed brows.

"God said so Herself. It's forbidden to love a Demon and be loved by one. It's okay though, to love Earth and all living creatures on it, don't worry.", Aziraphale answered, catching Poyels stare from unnatural green eyes, with his. "I mean, what's the worst thing that could happen?", this kid seemed to have a thousand questions. Oh, boy, they pick them all from the same stock...

Aziraphale sighed heavily. "To the universe? Nothing, but God seems to think otherwise. To me? She will make me Fall and take my ability to love. That frightens me extremely, because I could be a very dangerous demon. And I don't want that." He was becoming more sober, as time went by. He didn't like that. His afternoon buzz was all he had these days.

"Right now...I just feel so empty and alone. Every memory is bloody painful. Love hurts so **fucking** much. I can't live for all eternity like this."

Poyel was startled by Aziraphales choice of words. He felt uncomfortable and sorry for him. "And what would happen, if Angels fell for one another?", he asked, curious to no end. Aziraphale shrugged. "I don't know and I don't care."

"But-"-"I should rest. You need to leave.", the older Angel said, interrupting Poyal and all but throwing him out.

"Can I come back tomorrow?", Poyel asked, while he went to the door, escorted by his mentor of choice. Aziraphale made a non-commital gesture and locked the door after him. He grabbed a bottle of whiskey on his way up. His nightly routine. Down the bottle, deposit it on the floor and pass out. Hopefully he wouldn't dream about a happier time, just to wake up with tears streaming down his face. He couldn't take it anymore. Maybe he needed to leave, visit parts of Earth he hadn't been in for decades or even centuries.

He dreamed of auburn hair and a sleek black car, of sunglasses and a laugh, so mesmerizing he wished to hear it on repeat forever.

**Author's Note:**

> You will surely ask yourself: Is there hope for a happy ending?  
> Well, I don't know yet, I'm toying with different outcomes.  
> Personally, I'm a sucker for happy endings, but I also like a good cry when there isn't one.  
> We'll see ^^
> 
> Kudos and/or comments are highly appreciated <3


End file.
